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The lights dim, the shadows grow
and silence soon echoes throughout the theatre

the flower takes the stage
shimmering red satin enchants the eyes

entranced they gaze
as silk soon slips past soft crimson lips

and sounds lift and linger in the air
caressing the flesh, soothing the soul

for a moment she's a goddess
and the shadows her enthralled slaves

her voice, pale pastel
the audience, a blank slate
©2005-2009 ~Zellyn-Skyy
:iconzellyn-skyy:

Author's Comments

I have this idea that i cant simply shake... this wish to visualise sound... to use music like a sculptor uses clay... this running dream that wont go away where sight pales to sound...

Comments


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:iconagenttigerfairy:
so much better!!! i love it! only suggestion is that enchants and entranced sound alike and are close together, and that distracted me. but they both fit really well. maybe i'm just being anal.

maybe for an image for this i can do a really close pic of just my lips, painted red. any ideas?

--
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde
:iconzellyn-skyy:
yes, yes you are anal =P and honestly... i cant think of a way to tweak it... but now that you have brought it my attention... its driving me insane too... damn you for being so damn critical... all this criticism and my work will start to actually look decent! is that what you want?!?!?! j/k i love your insight :lick:
:iconagenttigerfairy:
i want you to make something you can be absolutely proud of, and not think of it as flawed, or not quite right. often, (i hope) i'm just probably giving words to something you knew was off but couldn't quite explain why.

--
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde
:iconheartroyale:
Beautiful poem! I love the imagery and its very passionate itself, I'm not usually a huge fan of free verse because it's a lot harder to pull off, but you definitely have, though I agree about the enchants vs. entranced commnet. Good job though :)

--
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars" ~Oscar Wilde
:iconzellyn-skyy:
Hahaha, why thank you so kindly, its nice to have a bit of my work appreciated... but it seemes the "enchants" and "entrance" bit seems to be a hang up for everyone... i guess ill have to repair it... thank you so much for your comments, its means worlds to me. Take care and keep on writing :ahoy:
:iconphr3ak000000000:
what i can say about this poem is that I have a hard time staying focused on most. this was different, i was engaged. the flow of it was smooth and i liked the image you created. nice work :-)

--
"I sacrifice every breath I breathe, to make you believe"

- Aquemini
:iconsweetseraph:
wow. just browsing. this is awsome. I LOVE it!

--
Im a crazy stay away!
:iconzellyn-skyy:
Muchas gracias! :bow:

--
"I'm never alone... I'm alone all the time" -Glycerine by Bush

"I drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away..." Modest Mouse

"You're nobody,until somebody loves you"
-Frank Sinatra

"Not all who wander are lost..."
- J.R.R. Tolkie
:iconangel-soul:
I like the layout of this . nice structure definately . I love how you names the main focus on the stage 'the flower' :heart:
I like the use of this word : entranced also . it makes me think os 'hypnotic' :nod:

I think you've shown me the scenario between the actress and her audience perfectly . what a beautiful write!

--
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May 9, 2005
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